Mental Health – My Story

Before I start this post and go into the topic, I want you all to know that there might be some triggering stuff in this post. So if you are triggered easily please do NOT continue to read. I don’t want any of you to maybe get a panic attack or anything else because of this. Just a disclaimer right here.

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This is probably the hardest post I ever had to write, since it‘s a quite personal. I wasn’t sure if I should even make it but at the end of the day I want to talk about mental health on my blog so what better way to start a conversation on here than to talk about my own story with my mental health and my struggles.

I know that some people might not be interested in this topic, so feel free to come back for the next post and just skip this one. I am not going to talk about mental health issues in general, I will only talk about my own fight with my personal mental health, so that you guys also know my back story and why I think that having a conversation about this is so damn important. So let‘s get started on my own story.

I always had a weird and NOT good relationship with food and that is the first thing that others noticed. I used to suffer from an eating disorder called bulimia and binge eating. My family didn‘t really notice it that much, since I was good at hiding it BUT my dentist wanted to talk to my mother at one point because she feared that I suffered from bulimia. My teeth weren‘t in a good condition just like my gums, they weren‘t either. My mother started a conversation with me about it and I admitted it straight away, so my parents made me go into a clinic especially for eating disorders where I noticed that not only my relationship with food was horrible BUT my relationship to myself was insanely bad as well.

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I started seeing a therapist after that clinic just incase, also my parents wanted that too. With that therapist I noticed that I suffered not only from an eating disorder but also from depression, so my therapist diagnosed me with it when I was 13 years old. So I am now diagnosed since almost 11 years since I‘ll be 24 this year. My mental health wasn‘t the best during that time but it was okay. BUT then something changed when people in school started to bully me, it wasn‘t as bad when I still had a class where I felt comfortable but then in Germany 11th year came around where we don‘t have a real class but have to take many classes with different people…that‘s when I noticed the bullying a whole lot more and it really effected me a whole lot. I started to skip school like the majority of the time and my mental health got worse with each day. I came to a point where I decided that suicide is the only option. Luckily I told my therapist about those thoughts and she and my mother decided that I have to enter a secure section in a psychiatric ward. I had to stay there for 3 weeks until I was able to go into a psychiatric ward especially for people in my age..there I had to stay for almost 6 months.
I had many therapy groups during that time, had therapy sessions twice a week and spent all day there…which was NOT good at all since everyone was around my age (16 at the time) we all weren‘t good for each other. We actually told each other how to hide our illness from everyone instead of really wanting to get better.

So I left that ward telling my parents that I am doing better, when in reality I was at the lowest point of my mental health journey. One week after I got home..I tried to kill myself by overdosing. My parents luckily noticed and called an ambulance. So I am lucky that I am alive today..sadly that wasn‘t the only attempt of suicide BUT it was the worst.
I‘ve been to several psychiatric wards since then..and was until 2014. There I was doing „better“ or at least I thought I was. I still went to therapy, took antidepressants and worked on my mental health from 2014 until 2018 BUT that all came to an end in august 2018. I broke down at work, like literally broke down and everything poured out of me. I talked to my parents about me having suicidal thoughts again…I noticed how bad my mental health actually was. I entered a psychiatric ward in October and stayed there until December and am now waiting to enter again in the middle of march. So I am currently still in the battle with my depression and am trying to be strong…it‘s hard but I am doing it. I am fighting to a full recovery until I achieved that.

Like I said I just wanted you all to know my story before I post stuff about mental health, mental illnesses and stuff like that. That way you know that I have my own journey with all of this. Again I hope this post didn‘t trigger anyone, I don‘t want to upset anyone.
Also I think I never been more scared to publish a post before..like NEVER! I am so scared but I know that depression or suffering form a mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of..and I want y‘all to know that you are not alone in this. I am there with you and I am rooting for you. It took me like 3 weeks to write this post..I left out some stuff..but this is mainly my journey.

xo,
Caroll Ann

main insta: dvlightful12 | Snapchat: dvlightful | bujo insta: carollannbujo

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Makeup Revolution Conceal & Define Foundation – Review

Today I am coming at you with my first ever review on this blog. But before I start the review of the product, I thought it be good to let you know what I mean when I say „review“. I won‘t do any reviews on stuff that I haven‘t tried a lot, meaning I won‘t write a full on review on products that I only tried like once or twice. The products that I write a review about have been used for at least a month, so that I can really tell you how I think about it in the long run and not just what I thought about it after initially trying it for the first time, to me that would be a „First Impression“ and I‘ll also do those on this blog.
So now that I told you what it means when I personally say review, let‘s start with the actual post.

I knew right away that I want to review this product, when I first tried it. Because I heard so much stuff about the Foundation that I decided I need to try it for myself and need to review it on my own.
The product that I am talking about is the „Conceal & Define Foundation“ by Makeup Revolution. You probably heard about that product and the concealer with the same name before. So I‘ll now tell you what the brand says about the product and then I will tell you what I personally think about it.

Product description from the brand: 891C55D2-D228-45B3-85A5-41C0792C4E80
Ageless. Unisex. Affordable. Yours.
NEW to the Conceal & Define family, meet our Conceal & Define Full Coverage Foundation. Offering lightweight yet buildable coverage in 50 skin-true shades, this versatile foundation is designed to suit every skin type and tone.
With an oil-free yet creamy and comfortable formula that dries down to a long-lasting, demi-matte finish, it won‘t settle into fine lines or cling to dry patches.
Housed in a luxe glass bottle with a jumbo doe-foot applicator for greater control and less waste, this foundation offers highly pigmented coverage that can be layered or diffused to suit your look.
Swipe on and blend out to ramp up the coverage for a „real skin“ finish that diffuses blemishes and uneven skin tone. Or let your complexion‘s natural character shine through using a small amount with a damp beauty sponge for a veil-like coverage.
The Foundation retails for 10,00€

My review: 966F3AD5-A06B-420B-B327-79FE0B8C3698
I use the shade F6.
The first thing that I noticed about this foundation is that it looks and feels so expensive, at least the packaging does right away. The glass bottle makes you feel like you are currently having an high-end foundation in your hands. Also I actually really like the huge doe-foot applicator but I know that many people don‘t like those for sanitary reasons. But I am okay with it, since I am using the foundation on myself only. I have a good control over the amount just like the brand said.
Personally I like the finish with a brush more, but that‘s also because I do not like using a sponge since it soaks up too much of the product. The finish is like they described demi-matte even though it might not be as matte on oily skin than on dry skin. I personally tend to get really oily during the day, so I always HAVE to set the foundation with powder, otherwise it doesn‘t have the best staying power on me. But it really stays on all day when I set it, sometimes I need to touch up with a little powder after a few hours because I lately tend to sweat on my nose a lot, I don‘t know why.
To me this foundation has a medium coverage that is builtable BUT I would always be careful about it since it can look a little cakey when you use too much of it. I have so many foundations but this is the foundation I reach for the most, I just love the finish on me and I always get so many compliments on my make-up when I wear this foundation. It quickly became one of my favorites. One thing that I do not like is the smell of it..the foundation smells kind of chemically but it doesn‘t linger on your face.

So all in all I think that it‘s such a good foundation. I think it can work on all skin-types at least it works on my oily patches as well as on my dry ones, so I think that every skin-type can actually use this. It retails for 10,00€ in Germany, so it‘s really affordable. But not only the foundation itself is amazing but also the shade-range is so good for an affordable drugstore foundation. It comes in 50 shades which is a lot, especially for drugstore foundations. So finally a drugstore brand that has done a good job with the shades.
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Did you guys ever use the Conceal & Define Foundation? Did you like it or wasn‘t it really your thing? Let me know in the comments down below, I love reading what others think about products that I like, especially since everyone‘s skin is so different. I hope you guys liked my very first review, you can always leave tips and advice in the comments since I am still new here. Can not wait to come at you with my next post.

xo,
Caroll Ann

main insta: dvlightful12 | Snapchat: dvlightful | bujo insta: carollannbujo

 

February Spread – Bullet Journal

January is almost over, that‘s how fast time flies BUT that also means that it‘s time to share my february spread with you. Again this is my digital bullet journal that I create on my iPad Pro 2018 with the Good Notes App and of course my Apple Pencil.
I think that my spread improved a little, since I am more used to the App and how to use it, but it could still be better. Anyway, here is my february spread. I hope you guys like it.

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Do any of you have a bullet journal as well? Do you prefer doing it digitally or normally? Let me know in the comments down below. Also do you have any ideas for a good habit tracker? I thought about maybe including one in my march spread.
Also there will be a new post next week, it will be my first ever Foundation Review, so make sure to follow me, so that you are always up-to-date and won‘t miss my review or any other post of mine.

xo,
Caroll Ann

main insta: dvlightful12 | Snapchat: dvlightful | bujo insta: carollannbujo

 

Why Being Single Isn‘t bad

I am now single for a little longer than a year and a half and to this day I think that it was the best thing that could’ve happened to me. I always tell everyone around me that being on my own for so long is helping me so much. And I thought I might share my thoughts with you as well. Maybe some of you guys are going through something similiar and could really need to know that they are not alone. So here we go.

I’ve always been someone who did depend on the person I’ve been with. I have been in and out of 3 different relationships since I turned 18. The issue wasn’t that I’ve been young, no it was that I did depend my happiness on the guys that I loved. I never felt happiness in me whenever I wasn’t in a relationship (which only were short periods of time since I started dating). I never learned to only depend on myself, find myself and be confident in who I am. I just wanted someone to love me, because I didn’t…so whenever that person and I broke up, I felt like I could not breathe or function without them. I’m not 100% comfortable with sharing or talking about this, but then I think about all the young girls and boys doing the same thing I did until a year ago. I learned so much in the year that I haven’t been with a guy, I learned to depend on my own..I learned to be alone, to be honest.

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I do not own this picture, I got it from google.

Not only do I think it was the best thing for me to be alone, but it is something I recommend to everyone. We need to learn that being in a relationship doesn’t always equal happiness, especially when you are where I am right now. I am struggling with mental illnesses and am really unhappy with myself lately and have been for a while. I always ran into relationships because I felt like them loving me will help me, them loving me would be enough for my mental illness to go away but I honestly just bottled everything up. Which led to emotional outbursts against my exes and even made me stay with someone who physical abused me because my illness told me that I deserved to be treated that way. I had to go through that extrem to finally open my eyes and to see that being alone isn‘t a bad thing, but that it can actually be a good thing. Being alone gave me so much energy and time to spend it on my goals, my health and on myself really. I decided to heal myself for me and not for a guy or let the guy heal me (which by the way never works). Also you do not have to settle for anything less just for the sake of being in a relationship, that is exactly how you end up with the wrong guy/girl and might even end up in a toxic relationship, like I did.

Being on your own really isn’t as bad as movies or anyone is making it out to be. Take the time you need to find who you are, find your place in the world before you get with someone to add to your happiness, BUT don’t let them be your only happiness. They should be the cherry on the top, you need a good foundation, so that you both not working out, won’t mess with your happiness and that you’ll be okay at the end of the day. I hope this post made sense and really this is so off topic but I had to just write it down for the sake of it and maybe I’ll not only help myself by writing this out, but also help one of you guys…someone who can relate and who is sick of not being independent enough. I can do this, so you can too.

xo,
Caroll Ann

main insta: dvlightful12 | Snapchat: dvlightful | bujo insta: carollannbujo

2019 & January Set Up – Bullet Journal

instead of describing everything I did for my bullet journal, I decided to just insert the pictures of my 2019 and January spread, so you can see how I designed it all. Just so you guys know I got the new iPad Pro and the Apple Pencil a few days ago, so I decided to keep my bullet journal digital from now on. Do you want me to maybe do a post on why I prefer digital bullet journaling over doing it normally? Let me know in the comments of this post and I might make a whole post about it. But here we go.

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I know that my spreads aren‘t the best, but like I said this is my first attempt at digital bullet journaling and I hope I‘ll improve within the next spreads. I am so happy with how it turned out, even if it is not perfect yet. Do you have a bullet journal? If you do, what is your favorite thing about it? Let me know in the comments.

xo,
Caroll Ann

main insta: dvlightful12 | Snapchat: dvlightful | bujo insta: carollannbujo

 

 

Introducing Myself & My Blog

I don‘t know how I should start this post, I haven‘t been blogging for quite some time and I really want to get back to doing it more. I used to have another blog but so much happened in my life since I last published something on that one and I feel like I am almost a completely different person now, so instead I decided to start completely over and here we are. Most of you probably didn‘t even care. So let‘s just get to the actual post.

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I am Caroll-Ann, a typical 23 year old girl from germany. I enjoy make up, fashion, lifestyle stuff as well as I like to read and watch videos on mental health and I am also obsessed with true crime stuff. So that is exactly what I want to do with this blog, I want to touch on important stuff like mental health, everything that comes with that topic, like asking for help, telling you my own story and all that. I also want to cover some true crime cases in the future, at least that‘s my plan. But not only that, there will be make up, fashion and lifestyle stuff too, for example reviews, first impressions, lookbooks, favorite things from amazon and all those typical beauty guru topics.

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So if anything of this sounds intriguing to you then this is the place to be. This will be a place where we can talk about whatever comes to our mind, where we can be girly and about make up as well as talk about serious topics and chat about our experiences. This might be all over the place for you, but that‘s where I want to be heading with this blog. I hope I‘ll get you as a frequent reader or maybe even someone who just checks this out every once in a while. I can not wait to start posting more again. This will be a good thing, maybe only for me but that‘s okay. I‘m glad I finally have the courage to begin again and to put myself out there no matter what.

xo,
Caroll-Ann

insta: dvlightful12 | snapchat: dvlightful | bujo-insta: carollannbujo